| Sunday, July 23rd, 2006 |
| 9:41 pm |
meh
kinda pissed right now... i have stages i am goin through it seems... sadness, crying, acceptance, now anger... and some jealousy it seems... I am a fag. and the fag i love is more or less.. leaving me... we are seperating to see how things might work themselves out. I dont want him to go but it is the only thing i can do anymore.... and i hate the idea that i can no longer make him laugh just for me of smile for me, he doesnt like to go out with me or just sit with me if there isnt a non-me-related thing to occupy him... but other get his smile and attention, they get his affection and i am afraid that someone else will get his love... And i feel terrible... I am dealing better than before though because now i am not all sobbing and calling out of work like last week. i feel a bit better now... |
| Friday, July 7th, 2006 |
| 5:07 pm |
changes can be good
So i was thinking about changing my... everything virtual and just giving the new contacts to those that seem to actually care... I just need to think of suitable names and the like... but i will keep this page. |
| Wednesday, July 5th, 2006 |
| 10:44 pm |
Thoughts to be thinking
I was thinking that i might create personas for the expression of my unrelenting boredom... But then comes the debate on how many and wether or not i can mentally recover from the enjoyment of self expression... lol well I have made one and he seems like he will be quite fun... |
| Friday, June 30th, 2006 |
| 11:33 pm |
blah blah
i dunno things are odd... it is complicated... |
| Thursday, June 29th, 2006 |
| 1:10 pm |
I suck
I suck as a pserson. I dont.. fuck it... I ruin life.. |
| Tuesday, June 27th, 2006 |
| 9:46 pm |
::sigh::
I think i am just really adept at living in a way where everything is just naturally hard for me... I am intellectual which would be fine but i am overly so... and a guy. just add a dash of gay and apparently i am just asking life to smack me... so my actual beef is that i am far to nice and sensitve.. sure it is why people love me but at the same time it puts me in a position to be taken advantage of. My strengths seem to also be my weaknesses. SUCKS TO BE ME HUH? eh... lol ... but i sure to have a good time when i need to... I know you are reading this, so if you want to make me a layout then google Kurama from yu yu hakusho use your majick and see if you can get both his red head version and silver fox version in the same picture. I love you... where can i read all your fics at anyway? |
| Saturday, June 10th, 2006 |
| 9:38 pm |
hmmm....
well, i am kinda out of it lately... i am worried about my relationship but that really isnt going to help much... i dunno ... i just wish there was a manual on this shit,... w/e i am done. |
| Wednesday, June 7th, 2006 |
| 5:23 pm |
to hell with the OMEN
This has to have been the worst "the devil will rise" movie ever!!!!! no plot... not character developement.. ONE.. ONE good scene for the lead lady, one artistic shot... and ONE actor who was professor Lupin... and then a scene where the lead male and the less disturbed looking Lupin were kinda cute together... that is it... save your money... |
| Thursday, June 1st, 2006 |
| 9:09 pm |
yawn
well another day is going by... I am tryin to find things to occupy myself... Paul thinks that a business is a bad idea... but i think i can do it... I want to try so i am goin to ... and i guess i will just have to show him i can do anything if i try. |
| Wednesday, May 31st, 2006 |
| 7:33 pm |
WELLLLLL.....
I need to pick this thing back up and make everyone happy. So Andi my love give me w/e name you are using now. Jon your ass better have one of these already and to anyone that might be turning in ... if you are gayu give me a shout i am feed up with the breeders. Later. |
| Monday, April 3rd, 2006 |
| 11:49 pm |
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| 11:35 pm |
Another day... ish
so yeah i just saw Ice Age 2... it was kool. I can't sleep right now. I think i will rant. So there was this accident at the place I refer to as home but will never feel that way. A flood due to a shitty toilet connection thing... -a-ma-jig. And of course it had to happen to me. So water is shootin every where and i am freakin out. THE PLACE WAS FLOODING AND NO ONE COULD HEAR ME. Not that they were inclined to help. my sister had one of her random men "deal" with it. Cuz you know me, causing all kinds are shit. anyway... She not once asked me if i was ok... I was soakin to the bone, freezing and shaken... I had to wait for Paul to come home for anyone to care... Then today she calls HIM, not me, to deal with the insurance guy. I call back to see what is up and say "you called" she replays... "yeah. I called Paul." A fine fuck you to you too... Then when she is upset that i cannot change my schedule to suit her she says well it was my fault anyway even if it was an accident. Women like her make men like me homosexuals... I'd rather take it in the ass till i am bleeding and broken then ever have to deal with a woman like that. she can never love anyone but her own self interests much less herself or even another. WTF ever... I just want to get the fuck out of here. |
| Tuesday, January 17th, 2006 |
| 9:04 pm |
Hohum
So this is my secound week of school... It has been nice. I think i need to get my car looked at... i dunno ... so i ahve been reading alot and thinking alot... i wanna be doin more than i ahve the means to it seems... i dunno i am kinda all confused which is why it is good to have a place to just type and more forward with... My site is coming along well i think. Other than that i dunno i just wanted to make sure if ppl read this they know i am alive. lol |
| Sunday, January 15th, 2006 |
| 5:56 pm |
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| Saturday, January 14th, 2006 |
| 6:47 pm |
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| Wednesday, January 11th, 2006 |
| 4:13 pm |
bored
Random things i have said some are actually related. "People will come and go but if you do that i will hate you forever..." "Emo kids look like Trowa Barten from Gundam." "children under that aage of 2 smell like shit and cookies." "All kids are STDs" "Absence makes the heart grow fonder but the sex more rough" "What says I love you more than dead kittens?" "Dead Cats are sexy" "It doesnt matter if you lied or not since you wouldnt remember what you said anyway. I may have or have not remembered you saying you had a prefect memory. So you are a liar. And i Win." W/E |
| Monday, January 9th, 2006 |
| 10:39 pm |
I went back..
So i went to school today for the new semester... it was ok but tiring... anyway.. the worst [art of the day is when i got home... you know how you think that people cant get any worse and you are glad that oyu dont talk to them... and then you do... and they are worse than a made for tv movie... well yeah fucking christ... ok i am done i am too pissed to care... |
| Friday, January 6th, 2006 |
| 3:43 pm |
last two dayss...
Well Paul was sick but i nursed him back to health.. he is ok now.. dunno what was wrong... he had issues with dizziness and the like. he said it was like trippin but he doesnt do the drugs no more oyu see... anyway he is ok now... besides that i have my site sorta going... so here be the way to it ... http://www.freewebs.com/radiantoverdrive/ have fun bye bye now... |
| Wednesday, January 4th, 2006 |
| 10:00 pm |
today...
So... I had to escort my boyfriend to the doctor today since he was to nervous to go himself... but i guess that is love. the scene was just so damn cute it was sickening.. lol well he is ok.. ear problem... it cause some imbalances. and no matter what the acid kids tell you vertigo is no fun... especially if it is a horrible song... so anyway that was that and then the rest of the dat was for ... nothing really i need to develope some pictures that will bne tomorrow.. ok now i am done... OHOH OH YEAH!! i am redoing my old site so it will be okish and i will post the how to get there later.. ok bye bye now... THE JOE |
| Thursday, December 29th, 2005 |
| 11:58 am |
well it happens
So while porn surfering i happen to run into alot of wierd things... I mean people should be open minded to all the varieties of people and what they like/ dislike and try to be mindful not to OVERLY insult anyone... buuuut the thought that there are as many sexual prefrences as there are ppl makes you wonder. But it didnt make me wonder enough as to type in anything wierd and search for it... Now i run into alot of things through bad/ misguiding links alone... so i guess what i am goin for is actaully that i am kinda confused about the root of all the variation and increasingly so when it seems less natural... (less natural than what a liberal sexually charged teen gay normally thinks about ... and acts upon about 5 times a day. lol) i mean it is rather fasinating to me and if it werent for the fact that i prefer money over my own interests i think i would be goin to school to study sexuality. I think this just achieved the level of rant so i will now stop since i have to take my guy his jacket since his work is freezing. Later then... Current Mood:  confused |
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lithiumdarkness's journal
